I ran (sorta!)

Hello friends!

Today i’m grateful for MY ability to take a chance and do something that is REALLY out of my comfort zone. What was it you ask??

I completed my first day of training of the #5Kin100days ! To be quite honest with you, I wasn’t sure i’d be able to actually complete it. I am the girl who has never really run in my life. I’m the girl who has 200+ pounds to lose. And i’m the girl who wants to run. I started with my warm up – I didn’t think it was too bad….a few minutes of walking…I can handle that…right? Okay…i’ve completed that…now it’s time to get stretched out! Again – this shouldn’t be to bad right? I can handle it. Alright! Now it’s time to move on to something a bit more intense…my confidence began to fade. I sucked it up, turned my stop watch on to the correct number of minutes, blasted some Lady Gaga and was off! At the 5 minute mark, I was ready to quit. Those evil and negative thoughts that are so good at what they do started to creep up. “Why the hell are you trying this? You’ll just quit like you do every other program you start”, “Look at how riduclous you look!” and my favorite of all “Look at how fast THAT person is running! You call this running?!?!” Okay! That needed to stop or I wasn’t going to finish! Fine…what do I do? I start naming off family members who are important to me; Mom, sis, neice, dad, Housemate . Next Bloggers who inspire me, Jen @ Priorfatgirl, Tara @ Alifechangingjourney.com and Emmie @ Skinnyemmie.com. Wow! The next thing I know my stop watch is going off! I made it!! On to the next portion, I actually have to run. I set my stop watch and go…slow but steady, I go. Naming the important people in my family “Mom, sis, niece, dad, housemate” on to the bloggers “Jen! Tara! Emmie! Brad!” (The list would have gone on, but my stop watch beep! Holy shit! I just ran! (well..jogged…but who’s counting??) On to the next portion, rinse and repeat! I was on the third set of running and I have a revelation. I kept repeating other peoples names, repeating bloggers that inspire me, family members, and it dawned on me “I’m doing this for me!” My last set of running I repeated over and over again “You are worth it Sarah, you’re doing this because you deserve so much more”

Yes, of course it’s wonderful to have these people who inspire me and are in my court. It’s great to know I have people to lean on when things get rough. When it all comes down to it, i’m not going to lose 200 pounds for someone else, i’m not going to get my ass out and run IN PUBLIC for someone else, and i’m not going to keep track of my food day in and day out for someone else. I will do it because I need to.

I started my cool down, found a bench to sit on and I cried. I cried because I completed this task I thought was impossible. I cried because I was happy, I was excited, I was amazed at what my body allowed me to do.

Today was a rough day at work and for the whole 40 minutes I was focused on my workout, work didn’t cross my mind one time. That’s a true gift.

I’ve made a very satisfying dinner, packed my lunch and dinner for tomorrow at work and am going to head off to get some rest.

Until next time,

Sarah

(view from bench where I sat and cried)

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May 31, 2011. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

Motivation – what’s yours?

Hello friends,

Today I’m grateful for impromptu family visits.

I did fairly well on my food today. I did eat a piece of candy that I wasn’t scheduled to eat.

I made it to the Y and did 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and 15 minutes on the elliptical.

Today I spent time with my sis and my 8 year old niece. We ate dinner together. My niece said “mommy – sometimes older kids at school say I’m fat”. That about broke my heart. My niece is a tad over a healthy weight. My sister is also working on healthy habits at home including food and exercise. In the mean time, my precious niece is experiencing the exact thing I’ve NEVER wanted her to experience. I’ve been overweight since I was her age. I remember being teased and ridiculed for my weight since I started school. I recall how cruel and hateful kids can be towards someone who is deemed “different”.

We spoke about how some people don’t tolerate people who look different, including size, shape, hair color, skin color, how their voice sounds, etc. She said “maybe we can stop eating candy for a month”. My sister agreed they’ll stop eating candy for a month!

This conversation was really difficult for me. I don’t want her to go through life and experience the struggles I’ve been through because of my weight. I want her to have a healthy start, middle and end to her life.

I know what I’m able to do to influence her is showing good examples of healthy food choices, healthy lifestyle choices and encouraging her to explore healthy things too. I can’t control the way other people treat her, I also can’t control her habits all the time.

She again reminded me tonight of why I’m on this road. I’m on the road because she needs a healthy role model. She I need to give myself the pleasure of having a life where I’m comfortable and as healthy as I can be.

What is your motivation?

Until next time,

Sarah

May 29, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Running? A 5k? Maybe!

Hello friends,

Today i’m thankful for having such a lovely place to call home and the world’s best housemate a girl could ask for.

Recap of goals:

Food – wasn’t successful today. I woke up super late, didn’t eat breakfast…didn’t eat lunch until late and snacked through dinner. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will try harder.

Workout at Y – I made it! I walked for 10 minutes on treadmill to warm up  and spent 15 minutes on elliptical machine.

Blog – I spent a little time on here poking around trying to figure it out. I definitely need to spend a little more time.

 So i’ve signed up to do something that might be a little crazy. It’s a program called 5K in 100 days. It’s learning to run 3.1 miles (5K) in 100 days! Holy cow! I am signed up and ready to go! It is training 3 times a week through 100 days of interval training. I am quite nervous and excited and scared and very curious to see how it all goes! I will keep everyone posted on how my progress goes.

I am planning on going out with my sister for a drink tonight. I will be limiting myself to one drink and no “bar food”. I’ve already eaten enough food for the day ( and then some!)

Goals for Sunday:

– Food on track! Eating ONLY food on my plan, recording everything.

– Get to Y and get a workout in

– Plan food for next week and create shopping list.

Until next time,

Sarah

May 28, 2011. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Successful day!

Hello friends!

Today I’m grateful for being able be silly and laugh.

Recap on goals for today – 3 outta 3, friends!! Feels great! My eating was right on track. It wasn’t easy AND I did it anyway!

I’m kind of freaked out about something I’ve decided to do! It involves RUNNING! *gasp*

Goals for Saturday:
– Stay on task with food
– Get a workout in at the Y
– Work on blog a bit

It’s been a super long day and I’m pooped! I will write more tomorrow.

Until next time,

Sarah

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May 27, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Made it to Thursday!

Hello friends,

Here we are – made it through another day! Today i’m grateful for lovely friends who help me laugh, see things about myself that may need changing, and are unconditionally around.

I will recap my goals I listed yesterday:

– Stick to food plan as written: Made it through my afternoon snack. I even made it through dinner….until dessert came. Today is my mom’s birthday and I ate a piece of celebratory cake. I knew I shouldn’t have and I decided to anyway. What’s important to me is being honest about it. And, of course, trying again tomorrow!

– 15 minute walk : success!! I brought my walking shoes to work, a pair of socks and went! Woo hoo!

– Y membership : I did not accomplish this. No excuses. I didn’t do it. Anxiety got in my way.

I am off for the next four days. This is both a blessing and a challenge. The structure of the work day won’t be there which makes things a tad difficult. I do have the luxury of sleeping in, slowly waking up and making my meals.

It was quite an interesting experience bringing my own food to my mom’s birthday celebration! My family isn’t an easy place for me to be “different”. When someone doesn’t follow status quo, it gets noticed. There are often comments and questions. It makes it challenging. I also know it’s not going to be easy to walk down this road. There will be questions, comments and talk.

In other news: I weighed in today. As my starting weight. I’m about 15 pounds under what I was at my highest and about 15 pounds more than I was back in December. I will weigh in weekly and post my progress.

Tomorrow I will spend some time with my niece. I’m excited to get to see her and spend time alone with her! She’s such a lovely girl!

My plans/goals for tomorrow:
– Stick to food plan EXACTLY as written. No additions & no subtractions
– Take 15 minute walk
– Go to Y & straighten out membership

I am looking forward to a break from work. I plan on making the most of my weekend and enjoying myself – I am reminded it’s a process. A process full of learning!

Until next time,

Sarah

My inspiration 🙂

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May 26, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Head barely above water

Hello again world,

I’m most grateful to be upright and functioning today.

Wednesdays at work are my longest and most difficult days. I work 12+ hours and play about 4 different roles throughout the day. It’s also my most difficult day to keep on my food plan and focused on my recovery. Generally when I plan well, bring all my food needed for the day, I can get by. On days like today, where I didn’t plan or prep food in advance, it’s a whole different story. I chose not to eat all day as opposed to eating “crap” food. Which is worse? I’m sure there’s data to say one or the other. In my life, choosing not to eat is as bad for my body as choosing (or unconsciously) binging. I need food to fuel my body and mind.

I’ve set my alarm about 15 minutes early for the morning to ensure I have plenty of time to throw together my food for lunch and dinner (Thursdays are another long day! Different reason – different post) 🙂 I’ve planned all of my meals, including my snack for tomorrow. I plan on sticking to it. The best way I know how to do that is to plan, plan, plan!!

I struggled with huge feelings of anxiety today. Anxiety around things that are totally and completely beyond my control. I’ve done a lot of “work” (read: therapy) around this and continue to struggle on almost a daily basis. It is mostly around work and am in the process of making things easier for myself.

Plans for tomorrow:
– stick to food plan as it’s written
– go for 15 minute walk on break
– go to the Y on my lunch and straighten out membership

I have tomorrow to get through and then have a 4-day weekend! I’m super excited about it!

Until next time,

Sarah

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May 25, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Starting on the long road

Hello world!

Here I am – starting down THE road. Which road is this? You may ask – it’s the road that will take me away from being out of breath when climbing up stairs, the road which will allow me to comfortably ride in anyone’s car, the road which will allow me to have choices in the clothes that I wear and the road which will lead me away from the early death that is impending should I choose not to travel down it.

Let me introduce myself! I’m Sarah. I’m 25 and have been overweight a majority of my life. I work in the social service field, plan on going back to school in the next year and love sleeping! I’m quiet and introverted as much as I’m loud and extroverted. I have attempted weight loss in many different fashions; Weight Watchers, Sweatin’ to the Oldie’s with Richard Simmons, calorie restriction, purging, “medical” weight loss – you name it, I’ve probably tried it. I’m in a place now where I am beyond looking for a quick fix. There isn’t one and I know that. I’m in it to gain my life back by losing this excess weight.

Oh and the weight. It’s a lot. I’m not going to pretend that I just have a few extra pounds to lose. I literally need to lose a whole person and then some. We’re talking in the 200lb range. Scary to put that out there.

I’ve been inspired by many blogs, I’ll have them up in my ‘blog roll’ as soon as I figure out this WordPress deal 🙂 I’m using my blog as a way to keep myself accountable and to truly be honest with myself and other people.

Looking forward to getting to know other folks, have you follow my story and follow yours back!

That’s it for now,

Sarah

May 25, 2011. Uncategorized. 5 comments.