Scary binges – a request for help.

Hi friends,

Today i’m thankful for being alive.

I’m here, alive, but not well. I posted a couple of weeks ago about my illness, then again here. I was determined NOT to let this illness derail me, or set me back. Well, it did. I just had a week long+ long binge that has left me up 10 pounds. I know part of the weight is probably water weight as I was eating lots of salty food. I stopped at a fast food restaurant today, which i’d managed to avoid doing over the past week. I ordered my food and was about half way through eating it when I noticed how horrible I felt. The food didn’t even taste good. Why was I eating this?

It’s so frustrating when I know without a doubt that I need to track, plan and ACTUALLY eat what I plan out. I just wasn’t able to ‘snap out of it’ last week. I went to the store this evening after the fast food incident and purchased a few things that I need to get me through lunch on Saturday. My plan is to go grocery shopping Saturday morning after planning meals for the following week.

I absolutely hate my relationship with food right now. There are times when I know I reward myself and body with food, there are other times when it’s almost like i’m punishing myself and body with food. I would classify last week as punishing myself. It’s almost like I got sick, and I might as well sabotage everything i’ve worked hard at, because I got sick. I found myself binging on things I haven’t binged on for a long time. There were also times where I went to my “staple”  binge foods.

It feels scary to me to be aware of my actions and not be able to stop them. I continued to read the blogs I always read, follow folks on Twitter and even comment on other people’s posts, all the while, I never once reached out to the community i’m a part of to say I needed help.  

Here I am asking for your help.

  • Do you struggle with binges?
  • How do you work your way out of them?
  • What do you do to prevent them?

 

I would love to hear from other folks who struggle with the same issues. Shameless plug, please repost my blog and send folks my way who might be willing to answer my questions. If you don’t feel comfortable answering them through comments, please feel free to email me – i’m at longroadtohealthysarah@gmail.com. I’m also on Twitter @Sarita85.

 

I’m feeling desperate

I’m feeling alone

I’m feeling scared

 

For tonight my commitment is to finish my bottle of water and go to bed. I will not eat anything else. I have packed my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. I’m prepared. I can do this.

Until next time,

Sarah

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June 13, 2011. Uncategorized.

3 Comments

  1. Jill replied:

    Hi Sarah,
    Usually I’m one of those people who go through a blog and read everything from the beginning so that I can share fully in the journey that the other person is on. Full disclosure…I didn’t do that this time. I’ll be going back today and catching up on your life. I came across your twitter when reading Brad’s (5kin100days) and your link to this post made me feel like I had to comment now.

    You are not alone.

    I used to think that I was the only one on the face of the planet who binged (without following it up with purging or an extreme exercise session). Then I started reading blogs. I know that SO MANY of the weight loss bloggers today fight with the desire to binge daily. It’s opened my eyes to the fact that it’s a real disease, it’s a real problem.

    I don’t know all the answers. But here’s what I do know (which is what I also have to tell myself sometimes).

    You are not alone
    You deserve better
    You are worth more than that bag of <>
    You are doing something wonderful and beautiful for your body, and yeah, it’s hard
    It seems hopeless, but it’s not. I promise you, it’s not.

    Onto what you really asked…yes, I DEFINITELY struggle, but I have gotten much better at avoiding temptation (unless I’ve been out drinking, then all bets are off). When I’m struggling with the urge to binge, the first thing I do is get the hell away from the kitchen. Sometimes I go to a coffee shop with a book until the urge passes. Sometimes I hop on the highway and refuse to let myself take an exit until I can be trusted again.

    Here’s the truth for me…my binges are ALWAYS stress related or emotion related, and I’m betting yours are too. If I can pinpoint or identify that stress or feeling and do something to make it better, that usually helps a lot. Identify the problem–brainstorm solutions, cry if you have to, talk with someone else about it. Just know that this is not a journey you have to undertake on your own.

  2. Melissa @ Journey to Marvelous replied:

    First of all, I have to say that this is such a raw and exposed post and I’m proud of you for posting it. Asking for help is often the hardest thing, but once you put it out there you can get the support you need and you gather momentum in changing your life for the better. The best thing I ever did for myself as far as my eating habits and health was to start my blog and connect with other healthy livng and weight loss bloggers through their sites and on Twitter. I often can curb my longing for something that isn’t “on plan” because Ive reached out for support on Twitter or because I’m simply committed to being honest and transparent on my blog and if I don’t want to write about eating a huge fast food meal on my blog, I don’t eat it. I know it isn’t that simple at first but you will get there, I promise. Just keep reaching out and asking and accepting help. You can do this!!!

  3. Bambi replied:

    What an honest and open post. Way to go for putting this out there and asking for help.
    I deal with the urge to binge often. Mine are normally emotion related so I really am working on finding other ways to productively deal with my emotions. I also reach out to others when I am on the verge of a binge. Sometimes they still happen. I try to recognize it and get back to healthy eating as soon as I can.
    Just keep working at it and reaching out.

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